The Friday Flash Fiction challenge out with this starter sentence about vintage condom boxes. Thanks to Cormac Brown for that.
The Desk
“As the rumble receded westward, a fine layer of dust settled on the tall stack of vintage condom boxes.”
“What’s that?” Chad says.
“First line of the screenplay I’m writing about this.”
And he’s all, “Dude, just go to the cops.” And then I’m like, “But he didn’t do anything.”
“Big guy?” Chad says.
“Yeah, man.”
“How big?”
“I dunno. Maybe 280. Six and a half foot or something. I don’t know. Just big.”
“Yeah. Like football big or basketball?”
“Like football, man. He rumbles out. Dust settles. So I was working on that screenplay.”
“Didn’t know you wrote.”
“Yeah.”
So then he doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and then he goes, “So he was asking about the desk?”
“Yeah. Last week. Said it was from an estate. Said Uncle Earl bought it and said he tracked it here and wants it when it comes in.”
Chad goes, “Why’s a guy like that want a desk?”
“Hell, I wasn’t asking.”
“Like spy stuff?”
“No, man. He’s all like ‘Don’t say nothing to nobody’ so I’m like all ‘You can count on me’ and I put my hand up on the counter.”
“What?”
“Like in the movies, you know. How the bad guy bribes the waiter. Slips him a hundred.”
“Shoot, man. You got a hundred from that big dude.”
“No.”
“What happened?”
“He goes all ‘How much are your hands worth?’ and I'm all like ‘Wha?’ and he's all like ‘Your hands. Worth. To you.’”
“Wow,” Chad shook his head. “Dick.”
“I know. So he's all ‘How about you keep your hands and that way you'll be able to call when the desk comes in.’”
So then Chad goes all, “Wow. Total badass.”
“Yeah. Right. He’s like ‘Don’t touch the desk. Don’t open drawers. Don’t dust it. Just call. Then he gives me this card. Says ‘Martello’ and this phone number. And that’s the desk and I called him this morning and left a message and then started this screenplay.”
And then the phone rang. Like right when I was showing Chad the card with the number.
“You got it?” this Martello guy says.
“Yeah, I got the item,” I say like that guy in the movie.
“Good. Your name's Charlie, right?”
Chad’s all like “That him?” and all and I wave him off. I mean, what the hell, right?
“Yeah. Charlie,” I say. “How'd you know that?” So now I’m kinda nervous and all. But you don’t act nervous. Not with these guys. That’s what I’m thinking. He’s got my name. Whatevs, right?
“Charlie, how's your day going so far?”
“Um, fine. Just keeping an eye on that desk.”
So Chad’s all mad 'cause I waved him off and so he walks over to the other side of the store.
“Why don't you tell me how it could go wrong,” this guy says to me.
And I don’t know what he’s talking about, right, so I’m all “Huh?”
“Tell me what you might do to end up having a bad day, the sort of day where people think you're cursed.”
“I don't understand.”
“The sort of day where your little brother's Kids Korner daycare explodes, your father gets his throat slit buying his afternoon beer, and your mother goes missing in a trail of blood when she leaves work at the health department.”
The top of my chest goes tight. I can’t swallow. My eyes are all hot. “Oh god. Oh god.”
“Charlie?”
“Oh god.” My mom. Jerry. My dad. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Everything goes blurry and soft.
“Tell me what makes that happen.”
“I don't know.” I was shaking like it was cold. My shoulders were jumping around.
“Charlie?”
“Jesus god please I don't know oh jesus jesus.”
“Charlie? How does that happen?”
“I open the desk?”
“Now why would you want to do that to your family?”
“I wouldn't. Please god. I wouldn't.”
“I’ll see you in about five minutes, Charlie. I’m coming over from Mason Drive.”
“That’s my road. Jesus god. Jesus god.”
“See you soon.”
And then he hangs up. And I’m like saying Chad’s name and nothing is happening. Like no sound. And I realize I’m just saying it in my head, but it’s all loud and my ears are thumping and hot and I reach under the counter, you know, where Uncle Earl has this gun for the punks. Just scare them, you know.
“Dude, this is a pretty crappy desk.” That’s Chad talking. Over where the desk is. So I’m thinking we just give the guy the desk when he comes and if he gets all tough guy or something then I shoot him, like in the movies. Or maybe I shoot him anyway.
So I’m walking over to the desk. And I’m thinking what he said, you know, about the family. About my family. About mom and dad and Jerry. And I’m thinking about Jerry playing outside on the slide and how someone could just reach over that fence or whatever he said. Bomb the place. Like how fragile everything is. Like all the antiques in the store. And how you have to take care of the antiques and your family and that desk and all. Keep everything safe. You know? And then I get to the desk over on the side of the store and Chad’s pulled all the drawers out of the thing. And he’s got them turned upside down and he’s shaking everything.
“Can’t find any treasure maps,” he says. And I’m all like “What did you do?” and he looks up and says I’m all white as a sheet he says, like a ghost and I’m all “What did you do?” and he’s all “Just chill, bra. We just find what he wants and sell it to him. Like in the movies.”
And I’m thinking about what he said about my family and then the gun goes off and I’m shooting Chad. Like right in the chest. And he flies back into some shelves of pottery. And it all crashes down. And he’s looking up at me like all surprised. And it’s like I’m watching me in some movie. But not me, you know? Like a picture of me. And he’s dead and I’m all standing there with the gun thinking about what that guy said about my family and I keep shooting him until the gun is all empty.
Then this Martello guy comes and I tell him what happened and he’s all mad and in a hurry but we put the desk in his truck and all. And he gives me some money and goes off. And that’s when I call 911 and that’s when all the cars and sirens come and that’s when you put me in those cuffs like I’m some villain and then you're all "Watch your head getting in the car" and now here in this room.
And that’s the whole thing and I never meant to do anything. I was just gonna finish writing that screenplay and then call the guy about the desk. And I just need to see my mom and dad now, please. And my little brother. You can protect them, right? Like in the movies?
